I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
