Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize