I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
