I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
