Who did Billy Mays play for?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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