My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
