Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
