My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize