the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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