I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize