omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
