idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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