My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
