I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
