also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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