My room smells like vodka and shame
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
