btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize