bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
