She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
