just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
