R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
