I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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