Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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