i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
