i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
as a side note pls kill me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize