i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
