Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
