Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
