I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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