Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
