he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize