Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
