Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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