I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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