I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
