I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize