it's not cheating when I paid for it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
