But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
