Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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