apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I see more hoeing in ur future
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