we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
