Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
