Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize