it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize