Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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