i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
