Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
