maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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