Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
