Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
