Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
