I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
