i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
