he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
