You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
