I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He passed out mid-signature
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
