i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
