hotel room ftw
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
