do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
