Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.

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(210): View more from Texas

In America we eat man semen.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.

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(613): View more from Ontario

My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.

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(406): View more from Montana

I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open

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(925): View more from California

Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower

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