When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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