Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize