someone threw a dead crab at me
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
