That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
