omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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