hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
