I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My dick has a subreddit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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