My room smells like vodka and shame
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
