Don't you send me to vm
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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