A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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