New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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