five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
