Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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