its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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